Tired Mama.com

I'm just a happy (and cheap) kinda gal.

Today as I was at Home Depot shopping for some cabinet hooks, I spied a pretty pink and white flowering Azalea for sale.

It was spring like, it was colorful and it was uh, pretty.

So I bought it.

Since I had to go straight from Home Depot to pick up assorted children from their assorted schools the Azalea rode with me in the front cup holder of my van to do the pick-ups.

When my daughter got in the van, she looked at the potted flower and asked me what it was.

'It's an Azalea,' I told her. 'It was so cheerful that it made me happy and so I bought it.'

'You know Mom,' she informed me. 'You do that a lot. When you see some silly thing in the store that makes you smile, you buy it and then you tell everyone you bought it because it made you happy.'

I do?

Okay, I might.

So, what? Does she think I should buy things that make me frown instead?

Besides it was only a $4.99 plant. 

It could be worse, it could take diamonds or expensive stuff to make me smile. 

Tired Papa is a very lucky man, don't ya think?

What made me smile today.

Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

It's the only way you'll ever get any peace and quiet.

(Author Unknown)

Learn from me

IF you happen to have a young child in the house and you HAPPEN to be in the bathroom standing at the sink doing their hair in the near future and IF you're over uh, thirty?

DO NOT put your hands on your child's shoulders and take your face and put it next to theirs and smile in the mirror at the two of you.

Because if you do, your skin will look OLD and WRINKLED and well just, AWFUL next to your child's gorgeous creamy even-toned plumped complexion.

Trust me on this one. Do not try this for yourself.

I'm still trying to recover.

Take your Child to Work Day

Today was the day in my home town where you were supposed to take your Grade 9 (Freshman) child to work with you - only if you happen to have one kicking around the house, of course.

This is a provincially run program set up to give the kids a glimpse into different job opportunities and help them see a little of what the 'real' world looks like.

So, Tired Papa took our eldest daughter to work with him today.

She had a good time and seemed to enjoy herself. The only problem she had was everyone kept telling her all day that she looked like uh, me.

Um, people? Although I am not coyote ugly, no fourteen year old wants to be told all day that she looks like her forty-something year old Mom.

Just sayin'. 

And yes, I do find the whole thing funny - in an evil sort of way.

Bwaahaha. 

Pudgy Faced Mama

I was in a washroom at a public restaurant today and as I was washing my hands I noticed in the mirror that I no longer had eyes.

Yep, someone has stolen my eyes.

I think they're still in my face somewhere but between my lack of sleep and the extra fifteen pounds I've put on, my eyes have shrunken and disappeared into my forehead.

I think I still have eyes, as I can see, but they now look tiny in comparison to the rest of my face.

I used to have bright round sparkly eyes. Now? Not so much.

So, I have decided to eat better, sleep more and get more exercise so I can like the look of my face again and can find my eyes.

Yeah.

I'm also going to stop by the drug store today and buy some mascara and eye liner.

Sigh.

This whole aging thing is a downer, ya know?

Pick again

My youngest is now nine.

Over the past few months she's started to make some rumblings about the state of her room. It seems she's no longer happy to have pink and purple fairies dancing around in there with a big pink crown as a head board.

My youngest seems to no longer think that she is a princess. Go figure.

So, we've picked out a new bedding set.  This one:

It's cute, bold and tweenish. I think it'll work for a few years.

I also agreed to paint her room. 'What colour do you want it to be?' I asked carelessly.

When she asked for my opinion, I told her to pick a colour from the comforter cover. I suggested pink or purple or green or even yellow.

But what does she want?

Black.

Shiny black, please.

Uh, no.

Sigh.

Breakfast of Champions

So, would you give your kids freshly baked (still warm) frosted brownies for breakfast?

If you're the kinda Mom who thinks this sounds like fun, then yes, of course when my kids asked me if they could have brownies for breakfast I let them eat some from the pan that I had just baked.

If you think this is totally unhealthy and only a horrible Mom would let her kids have brownies for breakfast then tsk-tsk, of course I didn't let them have any, I made them wait until dinner.

Besides, warm frosted brownies? I love brownies. Do you honestly think there'd be any of them LEFT for the kids to eat?

Okay, maybe a few. Very few. 

What can I say? We're pudgy, but we're happy.

Enjoy your Sunday. 

Make up, smake up

It's dance recital time.

We changed dance places this year so that my nine year old daughter doesn't have to dress like she's a twenty year old hooker for her dance show. That has worked out great. My youngest daughter's dance costumes this year are really cute and are totally appropriate for her age.

Tonight when I was getting her ready for her dress rehearsal I had to put make-up on her though and I must admit I didn't use much. 

She's nine, she's adorable and I didn't think she needed a lot of make-up. I put on just a tiny bit so she didn't have a shiny forehead on stage and that was it.

I'm just hoping now that one of the ladies back stage doesn't go and plaster more stuff on her.

I'm planning on going a bit early to pick her up so that I can check out what's going on.

I'm also taking make-up remover.

You know, just in case some 'dance mother' went crazy and I've got to remove two or three layers of face paint before I can figure out which little girl is mine.

I mean it'd be really bad to come home with the wrong kid, don't cha think?

Sigh.

Yes, I have a teenage daughter.

So tell me, what's better?

Sending your teenage daughter out to school in the morning with a chocolate frosted Pop-Tart and glass of milk in her, or letting her start her day without eating anything at all?

Yeah, I get that a bowl of cereal, fruit, toast, juice or just about ANYTHING would be better but you wanna know the one thing I have learned about parenting?

You can't make kids eat, sleep or go to the toilet if they don't want to.

Sigh.

Squishing.

I had a fun day today.

I had a mammogram done.

I wasn't worried about anything, it was just time that I had my uh, parts checked out.

I don't know how they do it where you are, but here a mammogram involves a lot of painful squeezing of parts that aren't usually handled roughly.

Sigh.

I can't help but think that if it was men having this done, the whole system would have been changed years ago.

I'm just sayin'.

First Mother

I'm watching the inauguration.

You wanna know the part that's making me smile the most?

I'm enjoying watching the new First Lady fuss around her girls as their Dad makes his speech.

We're all mothers first.

Good luck President Obama.

An easier time?

I've been reading a lot of Jane Austen lately.

I've now finished Emma, Pride and Prejudice, Persuasion, Sense and Sensibility and Mansfield Park.

I'm starting to think they were on to something in the 1800's.

For instance, 'because I said so' seemed to be a valid reply in those days. I tried using this line with eldest daughter today but it didn't work. My teen just stood in the doorway and continued to glare at me. In Jane Austen's books the young girl would have flounced away in tears.

I wanted flounce. Okay, I wanted her gone - I was tired of fighting.

I am going to start on Jane Eyre tomorrow. I bet she never glared at anyone. I think they just sent her off to boarding school when she got out of hand.

Like I said, I think they were on to something in the 1800's.

I'm gonna vote

I watched the debate tonight.

The Canadian one.

Yes, in twelve days Canadians will go the polls to vote for our next Prime Minister.

I'm trying to figure out who to vote for. I will vote, I'm just not sure for who yet.

I watched the entire debate tonight but it didn't help me much. Actually it muddled me more, so now I've got to go on-line and do some more reading about the five three different options.

Yeah me.

While I was watching the five candidates talk however I really, really wanted to flip over to the Palin/Biden debate and see how that was going.

I'm not American. I can't vote in that election.

Sarah Palin fascinates me however and I have no idea why. Maybe it's because my son plays hockey? More likely it's because she's a Mom struggling to succeed in a man's world.

We have a woman running for office up here too.

Her name is Elizabeth May and she's running for the Canadian 'Green Party'. The name says it all. Now, I don't believe that she will be the next Canadian Prime Minister - Canadians aren't ready for that yet, but I still want to find out more about her and her platform. 

Am I interested in what May and Palin have to say because they're women?

Yes.

Would I vote for them based on their gender?

No. 

I don't agree with everything I've heard Palin and May saying but I can tell you I really admire them for getting out there and running for office and I admire them enough to listen closely to what they have to say.

You go ladies, and may the best person win.

I'm not a Pit Bull.

Sarah Palin is a mother of five and a U.S. vice-president hopeful who has taken "hockey mom" as her brand.

What's the difference between a pit bull and a hockey mom?" Palin, Alaska's governor, asked in her speech to the Republican convention.

"Lipstick."

Now, my son plays hockey. I go to games, I cheer, and I support him 110% at the games. I also wear lipstick. Okay, I wear lipstick when I remember to grab it. Even when I forget though no one has ever compared me to a pit bull. Does this mean I'm not a hockey Mom?

What I also want to know is why hockey? Why did she choose Canada's 'unofficial' national sport? Isn't baseball the American sport of choice? If that's not tough enough how about football? I know she's from Alaska so what about ice sledders or Xtreme snow-machine riders or something? Surely her kids played some of these sports too. 

Besides, I know A LOT of hockey Moms and we can't even pretend to compare ourselves to pit bulls because in my home province that particular breed of dog is illegal. Yep, in Ontario we have a law that prevents people from acquiring a number of breeds of dogs classified as pit bulls and requires those who owned the dog, before the law was passed, to neuter and muzzle their animals. Go figure. A muzzle would also make it very hard to cheer.

Okay, I do get it. Ms. Palin is tenacious, she's a fighter, and she's tough. But really, why is she comparing herself to a dog? Why not a polar bear or a wolf?

I must say that although I didn't like Ms. Palin's joke, I wish the lady well. Personally I don't think I could manage five kids, a newborn with special needs, pull together my daughter's wedding and handle the press involved for the high stress job she's running for. I do however admire her for trying.

Maybe we need to get Sarah Palin a wife to help her get everything done.

Oh, I forgot - Ms. Palin's a wife too.

In that case she should be fine. At least she will be, as long as she stays away from any more dog jokes. 

Chivalry

My youngest daughter has a spelling test this week. As she and I were practicing spelling the words this weekend I was also asking her the meaning of each word.

Everything was going well until we got to one word - chivalry.

She told me her definition of the word by using it in a sentence starting with the pronoun, she.

She. Hmmm.

I told her that the word was usually used to describe males.

'Why?' she asked. 

I had no idea, so I whipped out the Webster's dictionary. Its definition of the word is, "the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms.'

My daughter then wanted to know why women couldn't be knights which, incidentally, was another spelling word on the list.

'That's just the way it was in those days,' I told her. 'Knights were 'chivalrous' and ladies were 'fair'. Boys did boy's stuff and girls did what, in those days, was considered appropriate for them.'

She then asked me if men today were still chivalrous. 

I told her that some were, in today's world we considered men who were polite, hard working and kind to be chivalrous.

She looked at me for a minute then said, 'we don't call those type of men chivalrous, we call those guys geeks.'

So there you go, according to my eight year old, chivalry is indeed dead. 

I find that sad.

But wait! Is being a 'geek' a good thing these days? Like how some kids use 'bad' to mean 'good'? Anyone know?

Ah well, at least my daughter knows how to spell it. 

GNO

About every six weeks my in-box pops up with an e-mail that has the acronym 'GNO' in its subject line.

GNO means Girl's Night Out.

GNO's are when my girlfriends from University and I get together and go out. We usually meet at Kelsey's (think Appleby's for my American friends) because it's central to most of us.

I met these ladies when I started University in the 1980's. We are all now in our forties and going strong. We all laugh at the girls we were back in the 80's but still, amazingly enough, enjoy the company of the women we've become. The group can range from three to eight women, depending on who's free.

What do we do at GNO's?

We drink - but just enough to be able to drive responsibly.

We eat - usually something bad for us, with lots of whip cream, chocolate or cheese.

We talk. Boy, do we talk. We share, we vent, we gossip.

And we laugh. A lot.

I love my GNO's.

I think I'll go check my in-box, if there's not a GNO e-mail there then I think I'd better get busy and send one out. I'm feelin' the need for some girl time.

Frumpy Mama

For the next three Saturday nights I have to get all dressed up for three different Christmas parties and fund raisers.

These are not the 'throw on a nice sweater and dress pants' kinda event, but true black tie affairs that require stockings, hair appointments, pedicures and stupid high heel shoes.

I don't like it.

I used to enjoy getting all dolled up to go out. I am now trying to figure out what changed. When did sitting in front of the TV, watching a movie and eating popcorn in my sweats on a Saturday night become more attractive then getting all gussied up and going out?

I think it was sometime around the gaining of the baby pounds that it began to lose its appeal. Before I had my trio dress-up clothes fit me if not well, then okay. Now these 'gowns' I'm trying to squeeze into are starting to resemble sausage casings.

It is also possible that going out became a little less interesting around the time that I needed to start organizing baby sitters. Now I have to watch the clock and the amount I drink so I can responsibly drive a thirteen year old home by 11 pm.

If I'm being honest it might also have something to do with the need  to make small talk at these events with people who I want to well, not impress but not say stupid drunken things to either.

Sigh.

I want to be young, free and irresponsible again.

But, if you'll excuse me I have to go now and get this gray touched out of my hair before the sitter arrives.

And then I've got to go and find something to wear. Anyone know if they make dress up clothes out of fleece? 

What took so long?

"Two weeks ago, Montreal-based Paladin Labs announced that it obtained Health Canada’s approval for Seasonale. It is this country’s first “extended-cycle oral contraceptive,” a birth control pill regimen that allows you to have just four periods per year." - taken from the Toronto Star - July 17, 2007.

Hallelujah!
All I have to say is it’s about time.
(I almost said ‘bloody time’ but I didn’t like the pun.)

5X is good.

Okay, you’re all probably smart enough to already know this but just in case it gets past you like it did me, here’s my warning. Do not buy a 7 X magnifying mirror and put it up in your bathroom. It’s just too damn depressing.

It seemed like a good idea at the time; I mean I had a 5 X magnifying mirror up in my other house and it was very useful, especially when I was half asleep in the morning. I used this mirror daily to sort out my face even when my eyes weren’t fully opened and it was very useful to put on makeup with and make sure that things were well, okay looking.

So when I went shopping for a new mirror for my new house I decided that if 5X was good then 7X would be better.

Not. 5X is kind, 7X is not.

Now my birthday is coming up next week, and I know I won’t see twenty-nine again, but I did think I was holding up okay, but I’m not. 7X mirrors show me wrinkles and bumps and red spots that I didn’t know I had and I was very happy not knowing about them either.

My advice is if you need a magnifying mirror, stick to 5X.

Sometimes being oblivious is good.

Fashion?

So, I’m flipping through my e-mails and notice that for some reason I’m now getting advertising e-junk from my local grocery store. I guess, I’m okay with that if they’re telling me that peanut butter’s on sale or something, but today’s e-mail was giving me fashion tips.

Now, why a GROCERY store is giving me fashion tips I have no idea, but not only are they telling me how to dress but I think they’re also giving me BAD advice. In this particular e-mail they told me, and I quote:

“Easily this trapeze shape was one of the hottest silhouettes I showed on the runway this Spring. Playing off the volume trend from Fall 06, we’ve updated this must-have look with a fresh new edge. Available in black or indigo, this Sateen Tunic Dress is made from cotton with a gorgeous satin shine to it. Designed with classic shirt detailing, fitted chest and shoulders and an exaggerated A-line that flares out beautifully-honestly, it’s the perfect dress for every body type. Worn over skinny jeans or leggings it’ll give any woman a casual yet chic look. Just right for day or night. And the best part, like all of our fashions it’s the latest trend at a fraction of the price.”

Now I’m the first to admit that I’m not a great dresser, but a trapeze shape? That’s a triangle isn’t it? I mean isn’t my backside already big enough, won’t this make it look even bigger? And doesn’t it say it has a ’satin shine’? How big do these people need my butt to be?!!!

Casual yet city chic? Bullshit. TiredMama is boycotting her local Superstore. I’m sure there’s an ugly short man behind this ad, and I bet he’s laughing at me too.